The Story I'm Not Writing

What I want to be doing right now is writing a story. The story that I want to write, and have been meaning to get around to, will not be very good. It's not the sort of thing that I would want to read. Even if I write it and it turns out well, there's pretty much no chance that I'll be happy with it. But still, I want to write it.

I'm not currently, though. I think I'm afraid of it. It's been such a long time since I've really written anything, and the only thing that I wrote that I'm really proud of is the script I did with Jim. I don't really know how to start writing.

I need a cast of characters. And I need to know my characters. At the very least, I need to know my main characters. And I don't want either of them to be me, though I'm fairly certain that one will end up being. I don't actually mind that he's me, since the impetus for writing this is based on my insecurities in the first place. I just feel like sticking yourself into the lead role of something you're writing is a cop out.

I lied, but it was a useful lie. The real main impetus for this story is a blog entry I wrote a little while back about flashback stories. But that's really just where the idea germinated from, and not what the story is actually about.

Aside from the problem of character creation, I have a whole slew of other problems preventing me from getting started. I have a rogh idea of the first scene, and a rough idea of the last scene, but I'm not sure how to handle all the middle bits. My biggest problem with writing is figuring out how to move the story along. If I could think of details and things to happen, I'd have no problem. The actual writing part issn't usually the part that scares me.

Except, at the moment, it kind of is. Even if I knew my ch aaracters right now, and had a decent idea of things to make them do, I'm not really sure what sort of narrator I want to use. My instinct is to use a very detatched and boring narration style, because that's the sort of story it is. But I'd much rather be able to bring some life to the story through narration, like Pratchett.

A big problem I have with writing is... Well... This is sort of hard to explain. It always seems inauthentic. Dialogue is easy, but describing action never seems natural to me. Even when I'm reading something. As long as I don't think about it, it's fine. But if I allow myself to sort of take stock of the actual narration of action and setting it all sort of feels like "it was a dark and stormy night" to me. I think that's why I prefer scriptwriting. The action tags are there specifically to be action tags because you need to know what it physically happening. They're not supposed to flow with the story in the same way as they do in prose.

The last problem is that I don't owant to write a story onto my phone like I do the blogs. And I don't want to sit in bed at the compter either. I think I should use a notebookb, bt I don't know. I never used to really think about the setting I need to writ e in, bt now it's become a problem for me for the first time.

All that said, and bearing in mind that this paritcular story is trite and worthless, I'd still really like to get it written. Maybe if I can get this one done I can soart of take the momentum of writing something and use it to go into writing something more fun. I'd like to revisit that Heroes at Home thing I started a couple years ago, but I don't really feel up to it at this point, and maybe writing this trite piece of crap will help me get there.

In other news, there's this whole thing I want to write about here about talking to and checking out girls, but the subject makes me feel dirty and pathetic in an odd way. And it really shouldn't. It's right in line with the sort of stuff I usually discuss here, and really it also falls right in with the story I'm hoping to write.

So, maybe I'll revisit that topic in a couple days. In the meantime; I got a promotion at work. Basically, that just means that the stuff I thouight I was responsible for before , I actually am now. So, no actual change there. It's just that now my responsibility for the stuff I do is oifficial finstead off... I don'td know whkat it awas before. I'm also going to be fll time starting in mid august, and I got a pay raise to just above nothing instead of just below.

There's also a girl at work that I think I have a crush on. I say sI think because I'm really not sure at all at this point. It's been so long since I've had any sort of interest in anyone. I don't know her well enough to have any actual interest in her, but I think I remember this beihng what a minor crush feels like.

I'm also fairly certain she has a boyfriend, and I don't work alongside her enough to have had any sort of meaningful conversation with her. So, in all foreseeable likelihood this is the stage the crush will remain. But I just thought I'd mention it.